Sunday, July 17, 2011

House Hunters Drinking Game [Updated]

Oh, House Hunters. The show that puts clueless people who adhere to every gendered stereotype imaginable in the hands of the most grating and idiotic real estate agents on the planet and forces them to choose between three mediocre home options. Or whatever the official outline of the show is supposed to be.

Again, my mother watches this show all the time, and still being stuck living with my parents, that means I end up watching it all the time. Which is terrible. Looking for a home is tedious and annoying in real life, so I can't get into the mentality that would enjoy watching others do it. And much like Say Yes to the Dress, it is formulaic and annoying, so I have decided to write it up its very own drinking game.

Take a drink when:

-The episode focuses on a white, heterosexual married couple.
-If they have small children or the woman is visibly pregnant. (two drinks if they have children AND the wife is visibly pregnant)
-Anyone utters the phrase "growing family."
-They talk about using a space for "entertaining."
-The couple says things to uphold gender stereotypes, for example, the realtor talks to the woman about the kitchen.
-They use the phrase "man cave."
-When it's a young couple, the wife points out that a small bedroom would make a great nursery. (two drinks if the husband immediately looks terrified)
-The buyers comment on crown molding.
-Someone mentions paint, furniture or light fixtures (or any other feature that is impermanent and relatively inexpensive to change) as a plus or minus to the home.
-The buyers have an obvious lack of knowledge about real estate.
-They have expectations that are completely unreasonable for their price range.
-Every time someone says a completely inane thought out loud.
-They mention walk-in closets. (two drinks if all closet commentary is aimed at the woman with no regard to where the man will keep his clothing)
-They complain about a street/train/other noise element.
-They complain that a room is "small."
-They complain about a lack of privacy in the yard due to neighboring houses at reasonable neighboring distances.
-Any mention of granite counter tops or stainless steel appliances.
-Anyone points out what a great "office" a room will make.
-The realtor points out something glaringly obvious ("This is a kitchen." "Here we have the back yard.")
-Any mention of a "bonus room."
-Something they say makes you think you would never want them to move in next door to you.

Finish your drink if...
-They actually buy the home you would have chosen.

Comment if you have any more suggestions! I have already added some and will continue to do so.


  1. - Someone verbalizes the complete obvious while touring the home. Ie; "This is the kitchen."

    I'm a Realtor and House Hunters makes me want to scoop my eyeballs out with a plastic spork. The worst part is that people really ARE that stupid/picky/whiny/unrealistic/annoying when looking at houses in real life, sans cameras.

  2. I hate when they complain about light fixtures or paint! One episode had this lady who would not consider anything but granite. Gotta have granite. I need granite. I would've been pretty wasted by the end of that one.

  3. You should definitely drink if they mention they can see themselves drinking their morning coffee on a patio/porch/deck etc.

    Oh, and when they complain about a master bedroom that won't fit a king size bed when it clearly will.