Funemployment is a lie

That might seem a little harsh. But I keep hearing the term "funemployment" and to me, it's wrong (it's also short-sighted and privileged; we can get into that in a bit). For me, being unemployed has not been fun.

Since I finished grad school in December 2010, I haven't been able to find a full-time job. It isn't for lack of trying or laziness, contrary to some Republican 1% views. I can't even begin to count how many applications I've sent out in the past year and a half. I've tried for jobs that seem ambitious, jobs that I think I'm overqualified for, jobs that excited me, jobs I'd have to acquiesce to performing every day, jobs withing my field, jobs outside but vaguely related to my field, day jobs like retail and bartending, basically everything you can imagine. I've considered NYC Teaching Fellows and the Peace Corps as back-ups.

I've had some freelance work and part-time gigs, but still nothing lasting or full-time. And then, in March, the job that was my primary source of income (but still part-time) informed me they were low on funds and couldn't pay me. So I was let go, though with the caveat that they'd like me back if they got their act together and I was still searching.

So aside from a once-a-week unpaid knitting column, two short (volunteer) shifts for a punk news blog and the occasional photo slideshow (the only one that pays a little), I've been unemployed for nearly two months. It sucks. I've been sending out my resume everywhere that I can, and I've had two interviews -- one was on the phone, and I didn't make the cut to in-person, the other got as far as a writing test, but I still didn't get it.

I know, there are a few perks. I can sleep late and run errands in the middle of weekdays when the city is less crowded. But that's about it.

Want to hear the downside? I am almost out of money. I'm still living with my parents with no prospect of leaving any time soon. I feel like a worthless human being, who contributes nothing to the world. Basically, it's like I'm in a waiting room, biding my time until my life starts.

So I'm going this week to meet with a staffing agency. It isn't a career move. They only do receptionist and office work, and just temporary assignments. But it's something. It gets me out of the house and making a little money while I work on finding a longer-term position. I hope it works out, because I need it to.

I said we'd get to why the term "funemployment" is privileged and short-sighted, and here it is: anyone who can use the term is very lucky. You've clearly got something keeping you going, whether it's a trust fund or savings from a past job, or a supportive partner, or whatever. Many people who are unemployed are far worse off. I'm not including myself in that because I have parents who let me stay with them for free. But there are millions out there who are unemployed and having no fun whatsoever. They are losing their homes, relying on food stamps to feed their families, and falling way behind on bills. They aren't relishing in sleeping until 11:00 and wearing sweatpants all day. So that's another reason I don't like the term.

A Short, Angry Letter to Fish's Eddy

Have you seen Fish's Eddy's "Intervention Ware"? (This plate is the worst in my opinion.) Well, I just did and they inspired me to write this letter:

Hi,

I just thought you would be interested to know that I was recently alerted to your "intervention" plates, and as such, I will no longer shop at your store.

We live in a size-biased, fat-hating society that constantly tells women (and men, but it's worse for women) that they are not good enough based on their appearance and their ability to conform to an arbitrary beauty standard. Fat people are discriminated against and mocked. We have girls as young as 5 going on diets and suffering from eating disorders and merchandise like this is contributing to that problem.

I have spent my entire life being bullied based on size and I do not need a store to continue this trend.

You have officially lost a customer. I will soon be moving and, as such, will need dinnerware. Under other circumstances I would have come to your store to get it, but now I think I will take my business to somewhere that doesn't make me feel like less of a person because of my appearance.

I know it's short, and it's not my most eloquently-written angry letter, but it gets the point across. I mean, anything sold with the slogan "serve up a heaping scoop of guilt!" has to be stopped.

House Hunters Drinking Game [Updated]

Oh, House Hunters. The show that puts clueless people who adhere to every gendered stereotype imaginable in the hands of the most grating and idiotic real estate agents on the planet and forces them to choose between three mediocre home options. Or whatever the official outline of the show is supposed to be.

Again, my mother watches this show all the time, and still being stuck living with my parents, that means I end up watching it all the time. Which is terrible. Looking for a home is tedious and annoying in real life, so I can't get into the mentality that would enjoy watching others do it. And much like Say Yes to the Dress, it is formulaic and annoying, so I have decided to write it up its very own drinking game.

Take a drink when:

-The episode focuses on a white, heterosexual married couple.
-If they have small children or the woman is visibly pregnant. (two drinks if they have children AND the wife is visibly pregnant)
-Anyone utters the phrase "growing family."
-They talk about using a space for "entertaining."
-The couple says things to uphold gender stereotypes, for example, the realtor talks to the woman about the kitchen.
-They use the phrase "man cave."
-When it's a young couple, the wife points out that a small bedroom would make a great nursery. (two drinks if the husband immediately looks terrified)
-The buyers comment on crown molding.
-Someone mentions paint, furniture or light fixtures (or any other feature that is impermanent and relatively inexpensive to change) as a plus or minus to the home.
-The buyers have an obvious lack of knowledge about real estate.
-They have expectations that are completely unreasonable for their price range.
-Every time someone says a completely inane thought out loud.
-They mention walk-in closets. (two drinks if all closet commentary is aimed at the woman with no regard to where the man will keep his clothing)
-They complain about a street/train/other noise element.
-They complain that a room is "small."
-They complain about a lack of privacy in the yard due to neighboring houses at reasonable neighboring distances.
-Any mention of granite counter tops or stainless steel appliances.
-Anyone points out what a great "office" a room will make.
-The realtor points out something glaringly obvious ("This is a kitchen." "Here we have the back yard.")
-Any mention of a "bonus room."
-Something they say makes you think you would never want them to move in next door to you.

Finish your drink if...
-They actually buy the home you would have chosen.

Comment if you have any more suggestions! I have already added some and will continue to do so.

My Rules for Tattoo Etiquette

Yesterday The New York Times published what can simply be known as the worst thing I have ever had the displeasure to read about tattoo etiquette.

You can head on over to the link to read it, but to sum up it was part interview with Ami James and part list of courtesies for people about talking about ink (their own or someone else's).

A couple of the rules were fine, like don't walk up and touch someone without their permission (do you want to get punched in the jaw?) or that it's OK to ask politely about someone's ink. But the rest were just terrible.

The "City Critic," who acknowledged having no ink of his own, seems to think the tattooed somehow owe the rest of the world unfettered access to their skin. One rule said that if you show any part of your tattoo, you must show the entire thing. Another said you should have a good story at hand for people who ask, even if it isn't true.

To sum up: no.

People with tattoos do not owe anyone anything relating to their ink. They don't have to show off the whole thing, they don't have to have a good story, they don't even have to answer your questions if they don't want to. Getting a tattoo does not suddenly revoke your right to personal boundaries and body autonomy.

I know the argument: "but you got a visible tattoo, what do you expect from people?"

This is what I expect: To be treated like a person. To have my personal space respected. The exact same things I would ask for with or without tattoos.

Grabbing someone without their permission is assault. True, your intentions may be curiosity and appreciation rather than violence, but it is still unacceptable behavior. If you want to know something about a tattoo you see, smile and ask nicely. Pay them a compliment before launching into your questions.

And by all means, you do not have to dress a certain way to show off or not show off* your tattoo. I happen to be showing off my shoulder tat in the picture below. But if I am wearing that dress in public, it may just as likely be because it's hot out or I just felt like going strapless. Wanting to share that particular tattoo might not have even factored in when I got dressed (though I admit to buying a few extra racerback tank tops after I got it out of excitement). Sometimes I wear ribbed tank tops with thick straps. When I do, you can see some parts of that tattoo but not the whole thing. I am breaking the City Critic's rule, and I am glad to do so. I like that style of shirt, and whether or not someone can see my whole tattoo isn't really my problem.

As far as stories go, you may or may not have a good one. I got a ball of yarn because it's pretty and I like to knit. I don't know if that classifies as a good enough story, but that's the truth and if I feel like talking about my tattoo that's what I will say. My other two have stories as well, and it doesn't matter to me if they are interesting to others. I'm not going to lie about why I got them. If I got one because I was at a party all night and my friends and I thought it was hilarious to get matching ink, that's the story I would tell. Tattoos don't have to have a deep meaning. Some do, some don't. People can get them for whatever reason they want.

Plus, some stories are so personal or painful that the inked individual might not want to tell them to a complete stranger. That's OK, too. If you ask about someone's tattoo and they don't want to tell you, don't get bent out of shape about it. They have no obligation to share for whatever reason.

So my rules are basically this: for admirers, be courteous. Don't touch, by all means, and if you want to ask something do so politely and maybe open with a compliment. And if the person isn't interested in talking, that is their right. Simply walk away. For the inked, yes people are going to ask questions if you have something highly visible. Human nature is to be curious. But you don't have to tell them anything if it's too personal, to complicated, or you just aren't in the mood to chat. Just try and be polite. Or be at least as polite as the person asking is being.

Oh, and for everyone, if you get caught staring, smile before you look away to indicate you are staring out of appreciation instead of judgment. Unless you're staring out of judgment, in which case feel free to get the hell away from me.

*Obvious exception: certain places of employment may have rules about how much ink you can show. I happen to think those rules are stupid, but you should probably respect them if you need to keep that particular job.

Coney Island Fourth of July [Photos]

I decided to head down to Coney Island to check out the festivities and the hot dog eating contest. It was really hazy and I couldn't get close to the stage to get pictures of the eaters, but here are the pictures I did take.

Why I don't want a 10 to be considered "plus sized"

Forgive me if this sounds like a half-cocked rant. I'm really tired today but felt like I needed to say something.

I saw that the site Refinery 29 is launching a site for "plus size ladies size 10 and up." My reaction, instead of being glad to see that, is that I am decidedly not OK with a 10 being considered plus sized. (Note: all clothing sizes I refer to are U.S. measurements.)

It's not because (as someone actually said to me on Twitter) I think 10 is "normal," which, of course, indicates that plus sizes are a deviation from that. It's not because I think "plus size" is an offensive label or that it somehow damages the otherwise-socially-acceptable size of 10. It's because plus sizes need to keep aiming up, not down.

As it is, the smaller end of plus sizes -- currently the standard is to start at 14 -- get the bulk of the good stuff. There are more options, more representation in models (though plus models are still overwhelmingly too small), and more mainstream recognition. Once you pass, say, a size 20 or 22, you're in a proverbial no-(wo)man's land.

I can only sort of speak from experience on this. The largest I have been is about a 22/24 (and the smallest in my adult life is about a 16), so I have never really faced what it's like to be someone who needs a 28, 30, 32, or larger.

What I experienced is that once your size has a 2 in front of it, there is an immediate drop in options. Lines that brag about how they are making plus sizes and are suddenly oh-so-accepting-and-awesome don't really cater to anyone high up there. When Forever 21 first introduced plus sizes, they included 1X and 2X. That's not exactly much of an extension, especially when you consider that they also run small. Now, they have corrected themselves a little, going to 3X and adding in more styles. But that still excludes a lot of people.

So my reason is that including size 10 in the line of plus means the border is even lower, so women who wear sizes higher than 20 will be considered even farther outside the threshold between straight and plus sizes. In a world where lines already cater to the smallest plus size possible, the last thing we need is to have that size be even smaller. It's not because I think being called a plus size is a bad thing. It's because too many other people do, so to be further outside the so-called norm will be incredibly damaging to a group that is already too often excluded.

Punk Rock Bowling: The Good, The Bad, And the...

This is the only appropriate crowd response to Leftover Crack's "Gang Control."

In lighter news than the Weiner ridiculousness, I went to Punk Rock Bowling in Las Vegas last weekend.

Overall, I had a great time, though there were some issues. I'll recap.

The Good:

• The line-up was excellent. It felt like there was a good mix between newer bands and "legends." I discovered acts I'd never heard before, like Larry and His Flask and Old Man Markley, but I also got so see old favorites like Dropkick Murphys, Leftover Crack, The Bouncing Souls and Agnostic Front. Over all I think I watched about 20 different groups play. Bonus: a lot of members of the bands were milling around in the crowd when they weren't playing and were gracious and friendly if you stopped them to say "hey, good set" or something.
  
• Location. The lot where the festival was held was right across the street from my hotel and within a couple of blocks of several others. It was two or three blocks down to the covered part of Fremont Street, and there were a bunch of restaurants and bars nearby. If you were staying right around there, you rarely had to walk more than a few blocks to do anything.
  
• People. I went by myself, knowing I would see at least two or three people I know (or online know without having met). Through them I met even more cool people. Friends of friends of friends starting piling up and it was a ton of fun. I swear I kind of felt like I was at summer camp.